The other day, as he was lying in bed soon to fall asleep, out of nowhere my four-year-old told me, “Today was a good day. [pause] Tomorrow is going to be an even better day.” Of course, hearing his contentment, I felt that all was right with the world for that moment in time.

I couldn’t help but wonder, what exactly had he just been thinking about or remembering when he said that? Though a part of me wanted to ask him, I was either too wise or too tired, and I just let the sweet positivity of his statement hang in the air around us. 

The funny thing is, as far as I could remember, it had been an unremarkable day. But he had done some things that he loved. He had gotten dirty on the playground, eaten peanut butter for multiple meals, and interacted with water in various ways. 

I imagined a tomorrow that would live up to his hopes. I made this list....

Leif’s Even-Better Day

• Build with LEGO’s 

• See Grandpa’s cats

• Dig in the dirt

• See my friends

• Go to Dunkin’

• Eat lots of ketchup 

Then I was inspired to imagine an Even-Better day for myself.

Chelsea’s Even-Better Day

• Go into the ocean

• Take a yoga class

• See friends

• Cook for someone

• Go into the woods

• Hear all about Leif’s even-better day

This put me into a positive mindset, because I realized that this Even-Better day wasn’t out of reach. That’s because it was based on Leif’s wholehearted satisfaction with a day that hadn’t included anything remarkable. (And yet, when seen as a whole, it was remarkable… He remarked on it!)

So for my list I only included things that were attainable and realistic, some with a flavor of the mundane to them. 

Was I going to hit every single bullet on my list in one day? Probably not. Realistically, I probably had to choose between the yoga class, seeing friends, and going into the woods on a given day. But what if the next day I could touch on the next bullet point? If I kept my list on my fridge where I would be reminded of it often, pretty soon I might accumulate the touchstones for a damn good week, month, or year. 

As it happens, I am in a group with two Psychologists who right around this time introduced me to the term Accumulation of Positive Emotions. It is an emotional regulation skill taught in DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, an evidence-based approach to healing mental illness). This idea of accumulating positive emotions over the long term helps me relax about days when I don’t get to as many things on my list as I had hoped. Maybe some days I don’t get to any of them, and that’s ok; if the list is still on my fridge, I will likely hit some of them tomorrow. 

Remember when the idea of “filling your bucket” became popular? Nothing against it, but using that framework sometimes made me feel like I was incessantly getting depleted, working to fill up my bucket, and getting depleted again, on repeat. Rather, I like the idea that some experiences (or more accurately, the effects of some experiences) stay in the bucket, and that’s what delivers “a life worth living” in the long term. 

There are lots of markers of a good day. There are lots of things that bring us down and leave a residue (sanskara, in Sanskrit yoga texts) that makes it feel like a crappy day.Sometimes I just pick one of my bullet points and call it a good day if I got to do it. I think unconsciously, that’s what Leif was doing as he fell asleep that night. And as he showed, if you share your satisfaction with your “good day” and hope for an “even better” day tomorrow, you just might make someone else’s day too. I hope that fills your bucket.